2018 has been the first year where I’ve neither had a college to attend nor an internship/job to go to. The year has been a play of moods. On some days, I jumped with joy after receiving money and then on the rest, I wept wondering how am I gonna afford my lifestyle or simply cry my heart out because a certain company fooled me and I’m left with nothing but a lot of lessons, tears in my eyes, and cracks in my heart.
Well, it’s been a fabulous cocktail of emotions. What is it like to not have a reason–almost like a compulsion–to leave the house every day? Waking up really late, not showering on a daily basis, procrastinating to write blog posts or editing videos, and being ecstatic after receiving a message that screams xxx amount credited. On some nights, I simply cry while curling myself and not sleep until my eyes are dried out and thoughts ceased. At the back of my mind I know how things are going to work out but then somehow the motivation doesn’t show up. How can you expect me to be all cracked up to work when I have lethargic chaos in my mind?
Well, the first year went really moody. I travelled a lot; I covered more than five Indian states, travelled internationally, climbed up many mountains and explored lesser known places. I met new people, travelled solo, and finally realised that whatever I'm currently doing is my passion and my goal and my ultimate aim in life. I realised material possessions are nothing...I realised having a happy life and doing whatever I love is everything.
It's been a while since I got personal here. I stopped getting personal on my blog and simply gave out tips and reviews for you guys. However, I thought it's about time I write something only for me. I thought it's been a while since you have any idea about what goes in my head these days. (Check out 'Life' section in the main menu for many such heart-to-heart talks.)
It surely was tough (not anymore because I have finally gathered the motivation I was craving for so long). I quit my job on February 13th, 2018, and since then, I started travelling. I travelled outstate almost every other month and it was a jolly ride until I realised my savings were getting used up. My parents were happy to help but now my dad is about to retire and this anxiety started piling up only when I realised that. We're doing good but you always deem yourself a failure if you cannot financially support the family. The last few months (from November 2017 to January 2018) were worrisome for me as I started realising the truth: travelling sure does take me to places but in the end, I don't do it for free. I have to spend some money irrespective of how 'sponsored travel' or 'free' the trip is.
The blogging/influencer industry is confusing; companies want promotion but they're not ready to pay. As soon as you share with them your way of working, they hesitate to take you on board. I changed my ways of working since last year's Diwali. I realised the only way I was gonna survive in this world is by minting some money if not a lot. So I started rejecting collaborations that were only barter based. I either took up campaigns that paid me or were beneficial to my growing (like giveaway contests). It reduced the number of collaborations I dealt with, however, I am quite clear and determined on my working policy. I wondered: I am more than five years into blogging and how many more 'barter' collaborations am I gonna entertain? It was about time I levelled myself up.
As soon as I returned back from Dubai (which was exactly after one year of quitting the job, i.e. on 13th February 2019), I started putting my soul into blogging, just like those good old days. Because more than YouTube, blogging is my passion. I know YouTube is trending and it has more benefits than blogging, but on a personal level, writing makes me happier than editing videos. So I took lessons of SEO, I reflected on what things I did two years back which gained me so many pageviews, I understood that I was lacking consistency. Where earlier I wrote about 23 posts a month, I now write only 3. The difference in the numbers is massive and it was about time I accelerated my motivation.
Today I am happy. I am receiving invitations for collaborations and companies are asking me to join their influencer networks. I am getting sponsored articles on my blog. Though this is not enough and though this amount is not gonna help me survive in this inflated world, I am happy about one thing: I have started putting efforts into my passion. Irrespective of the result, I am glad to see how things are moving forward from my end. Because I believe, if you give everything you have, things eventually work out.
I know, if not today, there will be a day when I achieve my goals, and the tears and sleepless nights will be all worth it. It took exactly a year to normalise 'full-time blogging and YouTubing' for me. Better late than never, I say! Right now, I am saving up 75% of what I receive, and I know it's hardly anything but I'm glad at least I have the guts to save from the peanuts I receive. One day I shall have a lakh saved in my account and that day I would have a smile on my face. It definitely shall turn out this way, I'm sure...
Anyway, thank you, my dear friends, for reading until the very end. But most importantly, thank you for sticking beside. Love and light to you, always! I am nothing without you...
